Calm

I apologize for not posting in so long. My life has seemed to spiral out of my control leaving me to wonder if it will ever be what I hope it to be. Still, with all the stress and worry, creativity can spark. I wrote this song using some remnants of my poem “Calm.”

 

 

Calm

Verse 1:

Calm…why am I so calm,

As disaster strikes all around me and I just stare

So, calm…what makes me so calm,

As my life just falters before me, piece by piece

Leaving me so empty,

A shell of who I once was…

 

Chorus:

But I’m so calm, but I’m so calm,

Why am I so calm, why am I so calm

 

 

Verse 2:

Calm…why am I so calm,

I feel the chaos circling around me as I sit still,

So, calm…what makes me so calm

Vicious glances and tension surrounds me as the war rages on…

Heightening all my senses,

Yet leaving me so numb…

 

Chorus

But I’m so calm, but I’m so calm

Why am I so calm, why am I so calm

 

Why am I so disconnected, why can’t I shed a single tear? When will I escape this prison of mine, when will I feel, why can’t I feel…

Left with only sadness,

The days I knew are long gone…

 

Chorus

But I’m so calm, but I’m so calm

Why am I so calm, why am I so calm

What makes me so calm, what makes me so calm,

But I’m so calm, why am I so calm…

 

-Evanglina

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Remnents of Song

So I have once again divulged into some song writing, something I haven’t done in a while. Normally I write them for myself and keep them in a slightly messy song journal, but today I thought I might just share a bit of the song I am working on. It is called “Fantasy,” a song about wanting someone or something that is so far out of your reach that it seems ridiculous to even think about it.  Enjoy.

Fantasy

Verse 1:

I know I’ll never have you,

I know

I don’t know why I’d want to

I don’t

Yet here I am pining away.

For something, I know will never be

 

Now every time I see you,

I freeze

My knees beneath me crumble,

And my heart skips a beat

And I keep telling myself,

To let it go, cause I know…

Chorus:

It’s a fantasy of mine,

One I have to leave behind,

There’s no future to behold,

So I have to let it go, let go….

 

-Evanglina

I Wonder

I have been working on a poem that I finally finished and thought I would share. Please enjoy.

 

I Wonder

As the days pass, I become somber,

Wishing for life to be better,

Desperately clinging to the hope,

That the sun will rise another day,

And I will feel free from the darkness within.

 

Yet every morning when I wake,

I am again left disappointed

Another day of sadness and despair

With no hope for the future

Shall I remain this way forever?

Will there be no shred of happiness or joy for me to find?

I know not, so I am left to wonder,

 

And to wonder,

And to wonder…

 

-Evanglina

Hello, It’s Me

It has been quite a while since I last posted, which I must apologize for.  So much has been going on in my life that I haven’t had the time to write. But I am now getting back into the grind once again. I will try to write more posts in the coming weeks.

I would also like to thank those that are still following me, even with my large absence. So, I just thought I would post a little update. I am publishing a mini short story collection called “Seeing Is Believing: A Mini Short Story Collection,” which consists of two fun short stories for ages 10 and up. The Collection will be posted on Smashwords which I will place the link to below. Just for a treat, I would like to post the first few pages of the first story, “Seeing Is Believing”. If you enjoy the sample and would like to read the rest, including my second story “Pandora’s Mirror,” please purchase the mini story collection from the link below. Thank you for reading and more posts soon!

 

Excerpt from “Seeing Is Believing”

Sarah crept through the doorway entrance into the dark library of Hillthorn Academy. The room was empty, but still, it didn’t hurt to be careful. Sarah was worried that the security guard or the janitor would show up suddenly and catch her. She hurried over to the nearby staircase and quietly followed it down. She could feel her heart beating underneath her white cotton blouse. Why was she doing this again? Ah, that’s right, to join Vivian Jake’s group. Just thinking this made her feel self-pity. She was sneaking into the library to take something from a librarian’s office. This was definitely not her best moment.

At the end of the staircase was a hallway. Sarah walked along it until she reached a door close to the end. Above the doorknob, was a nametag that read: “Mrs. Hamilton.” “That must be the librarian’s name,” she said to herself. She then stretched out her hand and jiggled the knob. It was locked. Letting out a sigh, she reached up her hand and pulled a clip from her hair. She then fiddled with the lock for a few minutes and finally the door opened. Stepping inside, she closed the door behind her.

The room was dark, but Sarah had wisely brought her flashlight along. She pulled it out of her jeans pocket and flicked it on. In front of her was a dusty mahogany-brown table with a few books and an old looking telephone on it. There was also a sticky note pad and a few black pens stashed inside a dark blue mug. Glancing up at the wall, she spotted a large black framed photograph of a woman. The woman had short light brown hair like Sarah’s and pale white skin. Her eyes were dark brown, almost black, and her eyebrows thick like two black caterpillars. She also wore a stern expression with her lips pressed tightly together.

Off to the side of the desk sat a small shelf filled with different medium sized gold trinkets. They were all shaped into different animals like a lion, an elephant, a panther and more. The lion shaped trinket drew Sarah’s attention. She picked it up and turned it around in her hands. The surface was cool and smooth.

Just then, there was a thud from the ceiling above. Sarah froze.

“This darn box is too heavy,” she heard a raspy voice say from overhead. “The janitor!” she thought. Without waiting another second, she quickly stuffed the trinket into her jeans pocket and slipped back into the hallway. If she was quiet enough, maybe she could sneak past without him noticing. She scurried back down the hall and up the stairs into the main library. The janitor was in the storage closet at the end of the room. He turned and spotted her just as she reached the library entrance.

“Hey, you! Stop!” he called. Sarah jumped and took off running out the library doors and down the school hall. Behind her she could hear the janitor yelling after her, but she didn’t stop. She kept running until she reached her dorm, and snuck back into the safety of her room. Sighing with relief, she pulled the lion trinket out of her pocket. “You better be worth all this,” she said to it with a smile and set it down on her desk, next to her laptop. She then sent a text to Vivian Jakes from her cell phone, saying, “Mission accomplished!” and then changed into her pajamas and went to bed.

***

 Sarah entered into school the next day feeling confident. She had received a text from Vivian earlier that morning, telling her to meet in the hallway before classes started. Maybe, just maybe, she would get into the group and have her chance to shine.

Sarah had spent most of her childhood years as the outcast in her previous schools. Apart from being a bit of a loner, she had also worn braces; which had caused her to be subjected to ridicule. Two years ago after getting them removed, her parents transferred her to Hillthorn Academy, a boarding school for grades 7-12 and located in a quiet suburb-like town. Here, Sarah felt that she could finally start over. After all, the school was a whole state away, so she didn’t have to worry about running into old classmates. Sarah’s only concern had been that she would feel alone without her parents near. But that changed when she met her sweet, but energetic friend Casey. Finally, she had someone besides her family that she could count on. Even so, she still had always secretly yearned to feel the glow of popularity and be noticed and envied by all her classmates. So when she saw the Belhorns walking down the school hallway on her first day of 9th grade, she knew she had to be a part of them.

The Belhorns were known as the most popular girl clique on campus. All the girls in the group were mostly beautiful, wealthy, and always dressed to impress. High school senior, Vivian Jakes, was the leader. She came to Hillthorn Academy three years ago as the new girl and quickly rose to the top. She formed the “Belhorns” with a few of her friends back when she was a freshman, and named them after their assigned dormitory. With her father being a music and movie producer, she was known to have connections with different movie stars and singers. Because of this, she was always able to hire the top stars to appear or perform at any of her parties and sometimes at school dances. This made almost every girl in school yearn to be her friend and a part of her group. But this was never easy. Since the Belhorns were made of mostly Vivian’s friends, she was reluctant to add new girls. Still, she would give anyone that wanted to be in her group a chance, by putting them through a test. Most of the girls either refused or failed the test, but Sarah had hope that she would be the exception.

She finally spotted the Belhorns standing together by the blue hallway lockers. Just as she neared them, she heard someone calling her name. Turning around, she saw it was Casey. She was running over to her with her blonde ponytail bouncing on her right shoulder and her grey side bag bumping against her side.

“Hey, girl!” she said looking a little offended. “I’ve been calling and you didn’t even turn around!”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Sarah touching her arm gently. “I’m kinda out of it today.”

“Oh, because of them?” Casey asked and she tilted her head in the Belhorns direction.

Sarah smiled guiltily.  “Yes,” she said. “Vivian texted me this morning saying that she wanted us to talk. I think I might be in.”

“So about that task,” said Casey. “What’d they want you to do?”

“Well,” Sarah said as she lowered her voice to a whisper, “I had to sneak into the librarian’s office and take something without being caught.”

Casey’s eyes widened. “What?” she said in shock. “Girl, that’s crazy!”

“I know!” said Sarah, nodding in excitement. “It was scary. I almost got caught by the janitor when I was leaving the library.”

“The library?” said Casey looking at her puzzled. “Mrs. Gracie’s office isn’t in the library.”

Sarah frowned. “Mrs. Gracie? Who is that?”

“The librarian,” said Casey. “Her office was supposed to be in the library, but she didn’t want that room.”

“How come?” Sarah asked.

“Because the last librarian who had that office, died in it ten years ago.”

Sarah looked taken aback. “What do you mean ‘died in it’?”

“I mean she ‘died in it.’ The principle found her face down on her desk. He said she had died of a stroke or something.” Casey paused for a moment, looking deep in thought. “I think her name was Mrs. Hamilton.”

Sarah froze. Mrs. Hamilton? Hadn’t that been the nametag on the office door?

“Anyways,” said Casey, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder, “no one wanted to go into that room after they took her away. After a while, they locked the door and now no one is allowed in there.”

She glanced over her shoulder, and then leaned closer to Sarah.  “I heard that Mrs. Hamilton was really mean. Kids used to take things from her office all the time, and she hated it. She was always yelling at them in the library and giving them detention.

“Even now, people say that her office is haunted and if you go in there and take something of hers, her ghost will haunt you until you give it back.”

Sarah arched her left eyebrow.  “Nice story,” she said, turning to leave, “But I think it’s a stretch. A haunted office? Yeah right.”

Overhead the school bell sounded. “Oh no!” thought Sarah. She turned and noticed the Belhorns were gone. How long had she been talking to Casey? Had she just missed her chance to become a Belhorn?

There came a beep from her cell phone.  Glancing down, she saw there was a text message with an attachment from a blocked number. Opening it, Sarah gasped. There in the message was a picture of her from the library office! Sarah swallowed and looked around the almost empty hallway. Had someone been watching her last night?

 

If you enjoyed the above excerpt and want to read more, please purchase “Seeing Is Believing: A Mini Short Story Collection,” from the following link:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/594159

Thank you! And more posts coming soon!

 

-Evanglina

 

Decisions

It’s amazing to me how a person can sometimes not take hint about how you feel. That it is clear that you want to be left alone and not bothered and they just don’t seem to get it. Like you have made it obvious that you don’t want their help or to be bothered and they still won’t leave it alone. Like they are blind to see that you and he do not have a good relationship and never have (or probably ever will), yet they keep coming to you and wanting you to share your whole life with them as if they haven’t made your life miserable for over the past decade. I just don’t get it. I don’t get it at all. Are you trying to push the person to the brink of insanity so they end up in a mental institution? Are you so in love with controlling others, (or being a manager at work) that you can’t let others figure out their own life path? That you always know best and have to tell them what to do? How about letting them find their way? Everyone goes through hard times in their life and if they need your help, they will ask for it. So WAIT. Don’t force yourself upon someone, otherwise you shouldn’t expect it to be accepted well. People need to feel like they are in control of their lives and have a choice about what they want and don’t want to do.

A Glimmer of Hope Continued

Here is the rest of the story I posted a couple days ago. Please enjoy!

A Glimmer of Hope: Continued

            I think back to a few days before I boarded the plane to London. David had invited me out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Ruby Tuesdays. The night was going so perfect; we had gone to a Jazz club to dance and were getting some dinner before heading home. I was wearing my favorite black spaghetti strap dress with my sparkly black heels. David was wearing his black dress pants with a white button down shirt and a black tie. I had never seen him so dressed up for a simple date, so I began to wonder if something was going on. Still, we were having a great time, chatting about the Jazz club and enjoying fine chicken salads. Never did I expect what was coming next. When David pulled out that sparkling silver ring, I nearly choked on my glass of water. Such a shame I didn’t have that water now.

            “Terra Herrens, will you marry me?” He looked at me with those sky blue eyes, and that smile of his that always melted my heart. I glanced at him and then at the ring. I wanted to say yes, I should have said yes. But my anxiety took over. My face heated up and my palms began to sweat. For some reason, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I sipped some water from my glass then took a deep breath.

             “I can’t.” Those were the words that came out of my mouth. I don’t understand what happened. It wasn’t as if I had not seen David’s proposal coming. We had been dating for five years and living together for three. He had become a big part of Susie’s and my life. Our father had left a few years after Susie was born, so she never knew him. And if that wasn’t enough, our mother had passed away only four years ago in a car crash. Having no other family to take her, I was all Susie had. Until David. He had found a place in Susie’s and my heart that had been empty for so long. Only now it seemed that was gone. I have never seen David look as hurt as he did at that moment. I couldn’t bear to look at him. I leapt out of my chair and hurried out of the restaurant. My cheeks became wet with tears, as I broke into sobs. This I couldn’t understand. Why was I crying when I had just hurt the man I loved?  I close my eyes tightly as raindrops start to fall softly on my face. Sleep was what I needed. Only it seemed impossible.

             *                                    *                                     *

             The wind was growing quicker, blowing my hair about. I hug myself tightly, trying to desperately to stay warm. It seems a lost cause. The waves were growing in size, something I had hoped would not happen. Each one grew higher and faster, causing the raft to fill with water. For the past few days I had tried to make myself feel numb, but I couldn’t hide my fear. I wanted to live, but I didn’t think I would make it. I saw something that made my heart stop. A gigantic wave had just formed and was racing toward me. It was over twenty feet in size, and there was no way around it. I had no time to think. The wave hit me at full force and drew me deep under water. As I was pulled under, I started to wonder if this was it. Was I going to die here? I felt myself move upwards. My life vest. I had forgotten all about it. I swam to the surface gasping for breath. “If I could just find the raft,” I thought, but it was gone. I paddled through the water searching for it, but the raft was nowhere in sight. I was truly left out in the open. I was soaked in the icy sea water, as rain beat heavily against my head. The water continued to pass over me, trying to pull me under, but I stayed above. There I stayed floating along in the storm. Floating along and wishing that I would wake up and it would all be a dream.

             *                               *                                *                                 

             Time passed as I floated along in the ocean. The chill of the water filled inside me and I shivered fiercely, with my teeth chattering loudly. I was so cold, my body was numb. If a shark came along and took a bite of my limbs, I wouldn’t feel the slightest thing. Maybe I was getting hypothermia. The waves gently hit against my face; the storm clouds still lingering overhead. I closed my eyes. So this was the end. I would continue floating along until I slowly froze to death, all alone, somewhere in the ocean. I only wish I could have seen their faces again, both Susie and David. I wish I could hold Susie and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn’t. And I wish I could tell David I was wrong. I should have said yes to his proposal. I loved him so much, and now I would never be able to tell him.

                I opened my eyes one more time, and then gasped. Up ahead, I saw something that made my heart leap. I saw, the tall silhouettes of skyscraper buildings, and the sandy bank of a shore. I thought I was dreaming. I closed my eyes many more times and opened them again, expecting it all to disappear. It didn’t. I had found land. There came a roaring sound from somewhere nearby. I looked over and saw a man riding in a speed boat. He was heading straight for me. From his bright orange vest with yellow stripes, I could tell he was a safety guard.

                “Hey!” he called out. “You shouldn’t be out in this weather!” He stopped beside me, looking very surprised.

                “Do you need help?” he asked. I shook my head in what I hoped was a nod. He then reached over and pulled me into his boat. I could barely move my body, but I managed to get inside. The man covered me with a blanket that was lying nearby.

                “Ma’am! What happened?” he asked. I tried to open my mouth and say something, but nothing came out. I hadn’t spoken in quite a while and it seemed that my vocal cords had stopped working. The man seemed to notice.

                “Its okay,” he said kindly. “We’ll get you to a hospital.”

                 I smiled, but not just because of his kind words. I was so exhausted, but so extremely happy. I felt like I had just conquered some sort of life test. Soon, I would be seeing Susie and David again. Soon, I would have their faces smiling upon me. I was given a second chance. So, I told myself that I was going to live it to its fullest, and do everything I have dreamed of doing. Starting with giving Susie an endless hug, and if he will still have me, marrying the man of my dreams, David.

“It yet remains to be seen.”

-Emily Dickinson “My Life Closed Twice At the Close”

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-Evanglina

As Friday Approaches…

I decided to share a little poem that I wrote about Starbucks while in one of my creative writing classes. With Black Friday only a day away, I thought it might be a bit fitting. Please enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Life of Starbucks

The sun slowly rises up from the east,

chasing the dark of night away.

The store of Starbucks bustles about,

preparing for a new day.

 

The life of Starbucks bursts to life

each morning at the hour of six,

people hurry inside restless and tired

in need of their morning fix.

 

They wait anxiously scanning the menus

For the perfect mix of chocolate mocha and espresso,

Glaring at the ones standing in front

Taking minutes to decide on a cup of Joe.

 

The workers do not have this freedom,

to show their angst, exhaust, or irritation.

They must give a wide smile of teeth, a voice of kindness,

and a warm gentle invitation to each guest.

 

 

They work hard trying not to complain,

taking breaks only when needed,

memorizing recipes of many drinks

to inform customers as they are greeted.

 

As one sits in silence sipping her latte

inhaling the fresh aroma of coffee beans,

She can only imagine the work and effort

Put in by the starbucks working teams.

Image

-Evanglina